Ambulance and Fire Engines

Ambulance and Fire Engines
by jade rogue

The muses Calliope and Erato bring me this: The poetry muses demand something...anything.

I’m alive and the sun shines for me today. I’m alive and the world spins on my finger tips today. Don’t remind me of what life was without you. Child it’s a miracle to have you with me, to hold you in my arms and see your smiling face.

And if it could not be so for me, then let me die. To live in a world without you, Then let me…die. How can I laugh in a world without you? So let me wait in the nothingness till the moment I can hold you in my arms…again, till your smile I can see…again. Till then let me begin my decent, bring me Belladonna and her atropine and let me sleep with morphine dreams.
******
Events of Wednesday November 4th 2009

Peeps…I took my little guy to the doctor and he had breathing treatments. He was sick…very sick. After the treatments the doctor let me take him home. He had improved but a mother worries to the point of a heart attack. I would be vigilante and not leave his side. My little man didn’t do much but hang on to me and whine every once in a while after a hurtful cough.

His medication prescription would start the next morning. I slept with him in his room though I didn’t sleep. I was too afraid to fall asleep though I know I drifted off a few times but always to sudden alertness. His breathing was not good, labored more than earlier. I called the help nurse at about 2:00 to 2:30 in the morning. She said call the ambulance and have him taken to the hospital. Yes that scared me but I acted on it and called. I put clothes on and got him clothes too. He was not helpful and fought me but I got him dressed.

The prince said the fire department was here and he let them in. They asked a few questions, the usual stuff how old is he. Two years and five months. He is a big boy. The ambulance people were there now. My little guy was afraid. I could see it in his eyes and he was near tears but he held strong. I smiled at him and said we would go on a ride with them and it would be lots of fun. He fear was set to the side. He is an inquisitive boy and I knew he thought it as an adventure to ride with them. They strapped his car seat on the gurney and of course him in the car seat. On the ride to the hospital they gave him a breathing treatment.

The Deb and the prince (he would not stay home) drove to the hospital. They worked on him quickly at the hospital. That surprised me. Hours later and another breathing treatment…he seems so much better.

He sleeps on the way home. I laughed a quiet peculiar laugh. It was sort of a pleasant maniacal laugh, much like one would react after a frightening roller coaster ride. I put him in his bed and the Deb watched over him. I readied myself for work…yeah I had to go to work.

When I came home yesterday he met me at the laundry room door. He saw me…“Mommy.” he said surprised and with mirth clinging to the word. Then he walked away. Me-thinks my little man was angry with me. The Deb said he was calling for me when he woke. He looked through the house for me then when he found I wasn’t there was in a pissed off mood. He sat on the couch next to him. He wasn’t his talkative fun normal self. I called his name and he would not look at my face. I said. “Don’t be angry with mommy. She had to go to work.” My hands trembled on my lap with the thought of ever losing him. The early morning fears
still clinging to my mind like a gossomer.

'Don’t play the diplomat, it doesn’t suit you.' I chastised myself…just take him in your arms but I fought it. I wanted him to come to me and forget that he is angry with me for not being there when he woke. I held my arms apart for him to come to me. He didn’t look into my eyes but he gave in and got on my lap, he put his arms around me and he put his head on my shoulder. He held me tight and he let out an easy relieving breath, unlabored. Yes, my eyes watered because I too was relieved daanger had passed. And here we are hours and hours later…holding each other tight. In that moment I forgot how tired I was...

He slept well last night…but we will keep monitoring him.

That’s it peeps...

I walked along the brick fence of the western wall. The bright colored autum leaves of the maple tree crunched beneath our feet. My little man walked with me and he smiled at the sound our steps made.

Fatigue catches me.