Come Closer

Kathleen had me from our graduation day in early June.

I was walking by and she was standing there…I caught her eye, I smiled and she did too.

I want to be with you. I’m going to make you crazy. I’m going to take you places you’ve never been before. Reach out and feel my body…come closer, don’t think about it. Don’t be shy. This time may not come our way again. Come closer, I want you to hold me in your arms. I want you to make love me. There’s no hurry, I’ll stay with you all night, till the brightness of the next day chases the darkness of the night away. Come closer, I’m going to take you places you’ve never been before. I don’t want to spend the summer without you baby. I don’t want anyone, but you…in my bed. Come closer. I’m going to make you crazy. I’m going to take you places you’ve never been before.

We were together through the summer months, past autumn and winter. We attended the same college but that following spring, she was gone. She wouldn’t talk with me. She was leaving and it was too much pain to hear my voice, she cried…this was what she said. I begged her to stay with me. I loved her and I knew she loved me. If I know anything, I know the emotion I saw in her eyes when we kissed.

“No” She said. "My parents know what’s best for me.” I retreated into myself and my studies and work at the restaurant. Truth being I was struggling with both. The sadness was consuming me and caring was not a present emotion then. I avoided her in the hallways. I went different routes to classes so I wouldn’t see her.

I heard she was dating a guy from her church. I’m sure her parents had their hands in this. I was furious, sad, crying. I was sick to my stomach thinking someone was kissing the lips that should be on mine. Someone was making love to her and it wasn’t me. The images in my head drove me to sickness.

After two weeks I was broken but callused within. I was asked out by this guy I met in the Liberal Arts building. Nice guy, football player and wrestler. We walked and talked as we went into the football field one night, me and my football player. There in the middle of the field…on the 50 yard line I kissed him and took my clothes off, and there I let him take me. There I cried quietly…because I thought of her and this was the beginning of acceptance that she was really out of my life and hope was gone. I wondered if this was how it was always going to be…when I made love to someone. Would I always think of her face, her smile…the way her eyes closed half way after we made love. Had she ruined me for everyone else? This thought made me cry more. I didn’t want to be in love anymore. It hurts too much.

Weeks later, one evening I was with my boyfriend James in his apartment. I was there for the weekend and that Sunday morning he kissed me and I pulled him on top and between my open legs. He put his cock in me. I wanted all of him and I held his hips as I wrapped my legs over his legs and we made love. Well, actually it was more like a rough f*ck. I wanted it rough. I f*cked him hard and I wanted it rough. He came in me as I was climaxing. I caught my breath as I kissed and nibbled on his shoulder. I wanted more….lots more. Then the thought of her came to me…and I felt nothing. She was beginning to fade in my mind and that made me sad. I didn’t want to forget her smile, her crystal blue eyes and the sound of her voice calling my name. Was it survival kicking in? Thirty minutes later as we showered together, I was on my knees, his cock in my stroking hands and eventually in my mouth…and I wanted more.

Tuesday night…my place:

Someone knocked at my door. I took my spectacles off and cradled them in my hand. I opened the door and there she stood. I was surprised and panic streaked through me. She pushed me in and against the open door she kissed me with tenderness that consumed me of all thought. I was giddy. I was wordless…expressionless, I was only submissive to her wants. She took my hand and she pulled me toward my bedroom…and I followed behind her. “What are you doing here?” I asked softly. “I don’t know…I’m crazy…I had to see you.” She replied. She kissed me against the wall and I took her mouth with mine. I kissed her with hard and bruising kisses, those that take your breath away and demand everything in you. “I love you…god I love you.” She said into my mouth in-between kisses. I cried, I giggle and I laughed as she took me in her arms and kissed my face and lips more and more. I was drunk with the sweetness of her lips and kisses.

Beside my bed I stood. Her hands were on my hips. She pulled down my panties…and let them pool at my feet. I stepped out of them. She said nothing but her eyes said much. You love me my love, but you will leave me again. I can see it in your eyes. But I will take what you offer me today. She stepped closer behind me and kissed my back and shoulder and to my neck and ear. “I love you.” She said. She turned me to her and before she kissed me I said. “I know you do, baby…I know you do.” And there I took her love.

In her arms I felt her body rise when I kissed her mouth. In that kiss I wished for many nights like this but I knew it would not be granted. I panted in anticipation of what was to soon come. I couldn’t believe she was there with me. I gazed at her body as she lay there with her eyes closed. How beautiful she is, her ivory skin and blond patch of hair at the apex of her thighs fueled my desire. Her hard body was curved in all the right places. I lay there next to her, touching her with affection and love She would gasp in the middle of touching, my two fingers deep in her stroked her into wetness. My eyes held hers. Her eyes told me not to stop quite yet. Her eyes smoked with passion and a wildness I had not seen in her before.

Will you be my love till the golden sun rises.

“I want you.” She softly said.

“I’m yours…always, Kathy. You know that.”

She bent down and gave me a long bruising kiss, I gasped for air in my bliss. My breathing deepened and my heart was rapidly beating. God help me I’m in love with her. Oh the things she did to me. I was drunk with her kisses. They were like wine, sweet and intoxicating. An hour later I lay on her chest naked, drunk with her kisses and purring till a light sleep took me.

I felt inside out and I wanted to run away. I had her face newly imprinted in my head. I was weak and I knew I would miss her more if she were to leave again…I couldn’t stop loving her. I couldn’t stop falling apart. I didn’t want to feel like this, this out of control feeling. I was doing just fine till we kissed. I never thought I’d be like this.

She slipped out of bed and began to dress herself. “Please stay at least till I fall asleep. I can’t bear to see you leave. I’ll die without you.”

"I have to do this…baby. I can’t fight them. When I resigned to do this…to leave…I died. That person you knew is no longer here."

“Fight for me…Kathleen, please.”

“I can’t…can’t you see, I’m not brave enough, strong enough.”

“I’m not like you.”

“Like me! I’m afraid just like you, but I love you. And I would do anything for you.”

“I can’t…” She then began to sob and I didn’t push it anymore. I had lost her without a fight. Her parents wanted a daughter that would marry a man and have children. And her feelings were never of a concern to them. To them…she would learn to be happy in the life they picked out for her.

The bed sheet that was still warm from our love making was wrapped around my naked body. I held the sheet over my breast and I closed my eyes as I leaned back against the bed’s headboard, defeated.

She kissed me one last time and whispered into my ear her love for me and that she would not ever forget me ever. My wish was to forget. I kept my eyes closed till I heard the door open and close shut…she was gone. Then I began to cry into my pillow.

The night pasted and morning came as it usually does in all of its glory. I though was not impressed as I had always been on all of the previous sunrises. I think that’s how death begins. Those things most dear and beautiful to you seem to die first.

I walked outside till I came under the cottonwood tree. My spirit was stripped away and there was no more me…I was just a shadow of what I once was. I looked up through the branches of the tree and that sky was bluer than I could ever remember and I was amazed that I could still feel emotion…how beautiful the sky.

ciao sweetie...thanks to Nikki for exposing me to this song. King Of Leon's Closer.